Practice for the Airlines
This is a funny thing that someone once sent me! It is how to practice for the airlines.
1. Sit in a cupboard, strapped into your most uncomfortable chair, in front of a large poster of a flight deck for at least 7 hours.
2. Have 4 vacuum cleaners switched on right behind your ears. If one should fail, have the operating manual (QRH) to hand to effect re-start.
3. Have your partner deliver overcooked fish, soggy pasta, stale crackers and cold coffee to the cupboard midway through your simulation session. Remember to have your partner growl on delivering the food tray, and before banging the cupboard door at least 4 times before finally leaving, produce a minging fart.
4. Spill the pasta sauce down your nice clean white shirt.
5. When it comes time to answer nature's call, sit for 30 minutes longer than you have to, legs crossed, and then eventually leave the cupboard for the rest room. Remember to put on your hat.
6. Shine two flashlights in your eyes for at least five minutes to simulate the glorious dawn. Rub your eyes for 2 minutes each to make them nice and red.
7. After 7 or so hours, leave the cupboard and stand outside on your lawn. Switch on the sprinklers and stand for 10 minutes until soaked. This is the Hotel Transport Wait Simulation...
8. Go upstairs, dripping wet, bag in hand, and loiter outside the bedroom door ¡V just as you would in a hotel as the maid gets the room ready. When your partner shouts "What the bloody hell are you doing¨? Simply answer "Simulating the glamour of all night flying to wonderful destinations¨.
9. Fall face down into bed.
10. Midway through your sleep have your partner turn up the television and radio in the next room as high as they will go.
11. Play tapes of departing aircraft, or if your company uses downtown hotels, police and fire sirens will do nicely.
12. After 4 or so hours of restless sleep, get up and enjoy a freezing cold shower
13. Go downstairs and pay your partner $25 for a bagel and a coffee.
14. For aficionados, repeat twice.
1. Sit in a cupboard, strapped into your most uncomfortable chair, in front of a large poster of a flight deck for at least 7 hours.
2. Have 4 vacuum cleaners switched on right behind your ears. If one should fail, have the operating manual (QRH) to hand to effect re-start.
3. Have your partner deliver overcooked fish, soggy pasta, stale crackers and cold coffee to the cupboard midway through your simulation session. Remember to have your partner growl on delivering the food tray, and before banging the cupboard door at least 4 times before finally leaving, produce a minging fart.
4. Spill the pasta sauce down your nice clean white shirt.
5. When it comes time to answer nature's call, sit for 30 minutes longer than you have to, legs crossed, and then eventually leave the cupboard for the rest room. Remember to put on your hat.
6. Shine two flashlights in your eyes for at least five minutes to simulate the glorious dawn. Rub your eyes for 2 minutes each to make them nice and red.
7. After 7 or so hours, leave the cupboard and stand outside on your lawn. Switch on the sprinklers and stand for 10 minutes until soaked. This is the Hotel Transport Wait Simulation...
8. Go upstairs, dripping wet, bag in hand, and loiter outside the bedroom door ¡V just as you would in a hotel as the maid gets the room ready. When your partner shouts "What the bloody hell are you doing¨? Simply answer "Simulating the glamour of all night flying to wonderful destinations¨.
9. Fall face down into bed.
10. Midway through your sleep have your partner turn up the television and radio in the next room as high as they will go.
11. Play tapes of departing aircraft, or if your company uses downtown hotels, police and fire sirens will do nicely.
12. After 4 or so hours of restless sleep, get up and enjoy a freezing cold shower
13. Go downstairs and pay your partner $25 for a bagel and a coffee.
14. For aficionados, repeat twice.
posted by Quodlibet at 03:26
5 Comments:
Brought a smile to my face :)
Thanks for leaving a note on my blog.
Have taken the liberty to add your addy to my blog.
Cheers!
The only thing I could add would be to regularly put a few dollars in a jar filled with acid, call it your pension plan and watch it desintigrate over time.
I think you should post
:)
I see you did but the posts are not in order?
:)
Am I being creepy
There I posted creepy anonymous person!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home