Saturday Night Live

I hardly ever get to see SNL anymore, but I used to watch it when I was in university (always up late). Anyway, my favorite part was Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. I came across some today and had a big laugh so I thought I'd share a few!

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.